Dear Mr Repo Man,
Although it was very kind of you to stop by last night I must inform you that the gentleman, Mr. Quaker, who you are hunting for does not live here. To be honest I'm not sure that he has ever lived here since it was just in the last year that we began to receive his mail and we have lived here for almost 4 years.
I just thought you should know how appreciative I am of your night time stalking. I mean, honestly, I felt truly honor to have you shine your bright florescent light into my bedroom window at 0030. Not many people can say that they have had that done! Oh and your walking up to my door with your gigantic light and jiggling the lock...that was classic! I think one of the best parts is how all of our neighbors now think that we are in some kind of trouble since they all were peering out their windows early this morning with us since you hung around for a good 30 minutes. Did you think the item that you were looking for was just suddenly going to appear? Hmmmmm.
Like I said we really appreciate you stopping by. It allowed us to get zero sleep last night and worry about my 1 year old in the other room all night long. Thanks for that...you are so kind. Thanks to you I'm pretty sure we will now be investing in one of these (For our night time stalker friend...a Home Alarm!) . I guess you are really just looking out for our well being. Oh and just so you know...if you come back I will be calling the police this time. Thanks.
Your dear friend,
PS Maybe you could kindly tell your client that they should do a little bit more investigating before sending the REPO man out next time. I mean for the last year they have been receiving all of Mr Quakers mail back with a kind little note stating not at this address. I'm just saying...day time visit are alitte bit more well received.