tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68847086450297727292024-02-18T21:04:58.884-05:00The Real Life MomMaking life better one cup of coffee at a timeMichellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.comBlogger151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-42144235563340240712013-12-14T08:45:00.000-05:002013-12-14T08:54:08.253-05:00{2}Today is our baby boys 2nd birthday.<br />
<br />
Two years. Two whole years. It amazes me how life can go by so fast yet feel like everything just happened yesterday.<br />
<br />
In the last two years I have felt so much emotion. I still struggle some days with overwhelming sadness and grief but I also have learned to enjoy life and appreciate life even more.... <br />
<br />
My husband and I are not the first couple to lose a child and we unfortunately will not be the last. It is a part of life that God has created and for some of us we must accept it as reality. There really is no way to explain this loss unless you yourself have experienced it....and each family who has gone through this experiences it in a different way.<br />
<br />
I've learned over these two years that the pain doesn't necessarily go away or get better. It is a part of who we are now. Our pain is different now then it was two years ago but it is still there and I'm sure always will be.<br />
<br />
Some days I still question God as to why he choose this path for our family. Why he felt we could handle it....But the thing is he was right...He has allowed us to grow closer as a family. To love with all of our hearts...to prepare to welcome a new baby into our family. He has allowed us to keep Reid as a part of our hearts and for us to share our story with others who have gone through something similar.<br />
<br />
Reid will remain as a part of our family forever. He was real....He is real. He is our son and we will continue to remember him. I am so grateful that God allowed Reid to come to us. No matter how much pain we have endured we have gained just as much if not more love. We have meet some incredible people that we never would have had a chance to if Reid was not part of our lives. We have been blessed with a 3rd baby due really any day that without Reid may not have been possible. We are in an amazing stage in our lives right now....We feel love, we feel hope, we feel peace.<br />
<br />
I'll always wonder what our lives would have been like if Reid got to stay with us here on earth...Where we would be today. What Reid would be like. But I will also always be grateful for God and for Reid for choosing us to be his family. For choosing us for this journey. It's not an easy one but it has been a rewarding one.<br />
<br />
Happy 2nd Birthday baby boy. I will love you forever. I will love you for always. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg47lF-cA_Z6mhevhg0h3_ajR62fSGzUWGK6_mZAw4yMA8WhJvICs2TWKkr-Io5d8q9fXqN-STTj_Ud32hfFmGS_ke4nMyDoakF6P8SCgF_CXrwgWQt6WiRpWKyGQJMrWhlS2s0hny3RMA/s1600/webremembrance_MG_1743+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg47lF-cA_Z6mhevhg0h3_ajR62fSGzUWGK6_mZAw4yMA8WhJvICs2TWKkr-Io5d8q9fXqN-STTj_Ud32hfFmGS_ke4nMyDoakF6P8SCgF_CXrwgWQt6WiRpWKyGQJMrWhlS2s0hny3RMA/s1600/webremembrance_MG_1743+copy.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
PS I don't blog here often any more....I do blog on my business site much more often with some personal post thrown in there...I have received some emails over the last year wondering how we are doing etc so if you are ever interested you can get an update that way :) <a href="http://www.michellecphoto.blogspot.com">Michelle C Photo</a> Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-26978143900375719692012-12-14T10:59:00.001-05:002012-12-14T17:40:23.179-05:00{365}One year. 365 days. 525,600 minutes.<br />
That's how long it's been since my world change.<br />
<br />
366 days ago I was blissfully ignorant. I was hopefully. I believe that my Christmas miracle would come.<br />
<br />
366 days ago I prayed over my belly. I hoped that the stress of the last 3 months would be for nothing. I hoped that I would get to hold my baby safely in my arms.<br />
<br />
The last 365 days have been filled with more emotions then I knew were possible.<br />
<br />
I have been sad. Sad for myself. Sad for my husband and my daughter. Sad for my little boy who didn't get to stay.<br />
<br />
I have been happy. Happy for the blessings I have been given. Happy for the way my daughter loves her baby brother. Happy for my family and friends who have stood by our sides and loved us unconditionally.<br />
<br />
I have been angry. Angry for losing my son. Angry that I couldn't fix him. Angry that I couldn't protect him.<br />
<br />
I've been grateful. Grateful for the 4 days my boy was on this earth. Grateful that our sweet and loving God allowed him to go to his everlasting home. Grateful that my son does not have to feel any more pain.<br />
<br />
I feel broken. I carry around a broken heart...Every...Single...Day. A piece of my heart is gone. I can't ever get it back. I don't want it back.<br />
<br />
But most of all I feel loved. I feel the bond between my husband, between my daughter, between my son and between me. Our souls are forever connected. I feel the love of God. I feel the love that God really did give us our Christmas Miracle...just not the one we thought we would have. I feel the love that Reid brought to this world. The love that he allowed others to feel...to still feel. He brought a whole new perspective to life. On how to live and how to love.<br />
<br />
I miss the days of blissful ignorance. I miss the days before my beautiful nightmare began. But I wouldn't change a minute of it.<br />
<br />
I miss you baby boy with my whole soul. Happy First Birthday, Reid!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg839Mp0zK14Ix6JdCt8G_8sfImjsBNe0oXB33RKnQD7eD_aad2m37bKJII1yRtKTGVcivyHVj5ejJ0woTj7vtBMKBFwUJoz__edEKjPHaHHW5URyPoHx0k_8JdtS3oaz5cDRRuDAIVsVU/s1600/webremembrance_MG_1743+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg839Mp0zK14Ix6JdCt8G_8sfImjsBNe0oXB33RKnQD7eD_aad2m37bKJII1yRtKTGVcivyHVj5ejJ0woTj7vtBMKBFwUJoz__edEKjPHaHHW5URyPoHx0k_8JdtS3oaz5cDRRuDAIVsVU/s320/webremembrance_MG_1743+copy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent; border: 0px none ! important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
PS. If you are feeling in a Christmasy giving type mood and are looking for a way to give to someone else we would love for you to make a donation to the NICU at Florida Hospital for Children in memory of Reid Cristan. The beautiful men and women there gave us 4 days with our son and we are forever grateful for that. Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-52326837666070788222012-05-03T11:46:00.001-04:002012-05-03T11:46:33.663-04:00{Amazing}<br />
I've been hearing it a lot lately...<br />
<br />
So many people have told me you are so amazing...I'm in such awe by how you have embraced life. I am so impressed by your strength.<br />
<br />
The thing is...although I am beyond flattered there is no truth to this.<br />
<br />
You see...I am a believer that God has our lives planned from the moment we are created in our mother's womb. I believe our journey is set for us at the very, very beginning. But I also believe that part of life and part of faith is how we respond to our journey.<br />
<br />
When we reach a crossroad in our life...such as my husband and I have with the loss of our son...we have to make a decision. We can choose to let this crossroad rule our life...bring us down. Or we can choose to embrace it...with a smile on our face....continuing to praise God.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure about you but I'd rather live life...with love and laughter.<br />
<br />
Now this is not to be mistaken as me saying this is an easy decision. I struggle each and everyday....asking why me...why my son...why my family. When I walk by Reid's room while at work I have to choose to remember the beautiful sunshine that God allowed to shine down on us as Reid was brought to heaven. I have to choose to not cry.<br />
<br />
But sometimes I do.<br />
<br />
And I think that's ok. Experiencing grief is not about being strong. It is about making a decision. I choose to remember the love that my son has brought into my life. I choose to remember the lives that he has touched. I choose to believe that God brought me to this but that God is also there for me. That he loves me. I choose to have faith in this amazing life and I choose to live it with a lot more love then I ever thought possible.<br />
<br />
So I'm not amazing. I don't have any super human powers.<br />
<br />
I just choose to smile. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent; border: 0pt none ! important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-14832026071135934792012-03-27T10:45:00.002-04:002012-03-30T15:48:35.220-04:00{Hurt}: What not to say to a Parent who's lost a childIn a time like this....like losing a child...it is hard to know what to say to someone. How to express your sincerest condolences without overstepping any boundaries.<br />
<br />
But how would you know what to say? It's not an everyday occurrence that someone you know loses a child. So how? The simple answer is you don't know...there isn't a book out there on "What to Say to Grieving Parents".<br />
<br />
I know a lot of people have been worried about if they've said or done the right things and so I thought that I would reassure you that yes I remember these things but I honestly don't remember who says them. The words sometimes are just so painful....it's like a knife ripping my heart out. But I know...with my whole entire heart that they are not meant to hurt me. These words are meant to comfort me...to bring me strength. And I also know I have been on the other side of things...before losing Reid...where I have said things like this.<br />
<br />
So here's a couple of the things that are best left unsaid...<br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry for your loss...but at least you have Averee." - Well sure I am beyond grateful to have Averee...she is my whole world. But one of my dear friends said it best...She said...if my 4 year old died...I wouldn't be like awwwww well I least I have the other kids. A child is a child...it doesn't matter their age...Heck it doesn't matter if they have their birthday/angel day all at the same time. They are a child and to a parent they are their whole world. So I lost part of my whole world the day I lost Reid...and it's a part that no one can ever replace.<br />
<br />
"You know...it's better this way." - Ok. Sure...my son does not have to suffer...for that I am grateful but seriously....it is better to live without my child then with him? I want him here...with me...with his daddy and with his sister. I want his body to be healthy and I want to have the family that Ian and I "planned" for. So the pain in our hearts does not make this a better way.<br />
<br />
"God always has a plan." - This one...this one is hard. Because I do believe that God has a plan for each of us...but this statement is not comforting...because it is a painful reminder that for some reason God picked me and not you. Why did he pick me to have my baby in heaven? Why did he pick me to see the hurt in my husbands eyes and why did he pick me to have to try to explain to our daughter that her baby brother is never coming home?<br />
<br />
"You must be so strong that God brought you to this." - This one didn't really resonate with me until attending the support group that my husband and I attended and this was brought up. I knew that it was bothering me but I couldn't figure out why. And someone in the group stated it so simply. They said...ok so you are saying I am so strong that God sent me on this journey...so you are saying this is all my fault. You are saying that if I was a weaker person my child would have survived. You are saying I did this to my child. Crazy rationale? Well maybe...but I think this is how a lot of parents who have lost feel.<br />
<br />
"You are so young...you can always have more children." - To start for anyone who has lost a child they want that baby and that baby only. Bottom line. It goes back to the first one where one child does not replace the next. Plain and simple. Second, there are situations like for my husband and I where we do not know why our son's body failed him. We have zero answers and included in those zeros answers is the fact that we do not know if we can have more children. We don't know if any future children we may have will have their bodies fail like Reid's did. We just don't know. So yes we are young...but we may not have more children.<br />
<br />
This last one I heard recently and it struck me like a bolt of lightening....right through my heart. What hurt even more was I could see how pained that person was after they realized what they said. It broke my heart because I don't want to see anyone else hurt. It is someone I don't know very well but saw and they came up to me, saw Averee and said....I heard you are going to have your second baby...congratulations. As soon as the words came out of their mouth I'm sure they saw the look of shock on my face...and they remembered. I think it is common for people to put those "too painful" moments away in the back of their mind...completely out of reach from reality. I mean why would you think on a daily basis about losing a child and what it must feel like...so when someone loses a child it goes away from your thoughts. For a parent this is not possible. You are consumed with your whole being...with every moment...that the unimaginable happened. The person apologized profusely and like I said earlier...I know each and everyone of these things are not meant to be hurtful.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGwMZpVafat1ypjlXRxAR3FzpHKvGY8_ERR5chy7WHdZ0SOGTF3MNjDQFkL-L3Z8_FoS6Ki6NCN89vFxOvkxD_Dg8HdO-LHdQ4z-L_TlzEAk50j8y_Ktzb1NSHxVua6-jkPHPSMTjyA0/s1600/fixed_MG_1743_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGwMZpVafat1ypjlXRxAR3FzpHKvGY8_ERR5chy7WHdZ0SOGTF3MNjDQFkL-L3Z8_FoS6Ki6NCN89vFxOvkxD_Dg8HdO-LHdQ4z-L_TlzEAk50j8y_Ktzb1NSHxVua6-jkPHPSMTjyA0/s400/fixed_MG_1743_edited-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">You see...this face...this beautifully...perfectly...angelic face can never be replaced. This face...this is the face of my son. And no one will ever have this face again. </div><br />
And again...this is not meant to hurt any one's feelings...like I said...I don't even remember who has said these things. Each time I hear something like this my mind goes to a completely different place...almost like a survival instinct...where my only concern is not about who I am talking to but how am I going to keep going on with a smile on my face so that that person....does not have to feel this pain...even if it is only for a brief moment in time.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-30924968152987516392012-03-12T10:51:00.000-04:002012-03-12T10:51:07.797-04:00{28}Twenty eight years ago I was born. <br />
<br />
Twenty eight years since my parents first became parents. <br />
<br />
Twenty eight years living on this earth.<br />
<br />
I have worked hard, I have have gained friends that have already lasted a lifetime, I have family who have been my friends and have been by my side my whole life. I have a loving husband, two beautiful children and an amazing career (actually...I have two amazing careers!)<br />
<br />
To say that I am blessed is truly an understatement.<br />
<br />
Thank you to everyone who has been with me the last 28 years and thank you to everyone who has joined me along the way! Thank you for providing for me, guiding me and loving me. And mostly importantly thank you to our Heavenly Father for allowing all of these blessings into my life!<br />
<br />
And for a little fun...I've always thought that my children look like me...not everyone agrees :) But I saw this on another photographers page and I thought it would be fun...enjoy!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgymUz8_tq31fnAIgh2xiS1xj-lV0n6f3taOvux3qQKgnUgh1rGCU8GQE5JG2OPjJ23ebTzHxIqwwXUyvahs6BAkl9yvkpYoinjjPSvef7LlBC-PbwRZpYopY9SAYRXwzXS4J2NFPHDqS0/s1600/Untitled-1_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgymUz8_tq31fnAIgh2xiS1xj-lV0n6f3taOvux3qQKgnUgh1rGCU8GQE5JG2OPjJ23ebTzHxIqwwXUyvahs6BAkl9yvkpYoinjjPSvef7LlBC-PbwRZpYopY9SAYRXwzXS4J2NFPHDqS0/s640/Untitled-1_edited-1.jpg" width="302" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">(And yes...Reid was missing those chubby checks and his poor hair was all thinned out from all his "haircuts." But I still see Averee 1000% :) )</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So what do you think? Is it just me??</div><br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-799650700327390822012-03-09T10:03:00.000-05:002012-03-09T10:03:01.656-05:00{Happy}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">I've noticed that my writing over the last few months has been rather....depressing.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">I think when I'm having one of those hard days writing is what I turn to. It is how I make it through. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">It is important to know however that I am....Happy.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Sure, I expected my life to be different right now. I had imagined myself stressed balancing two kids while trying to balance the rest of my life. I imagined myself with a new baby to snuggle, taking walks in our double stroller, reading stories snuggled on the couch with a baby on one side and my girl on the other.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">And even though that is what I imagined it is not what God had planned for me. And instead he has shown me a whole different world. Now I'd be lying if I said I'm sooo happy with his decision to bring Reid to him so soon but I'd also be lying if I said that I am not happy. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">I still have my beautiful daughter who I get to spend my days with. I have my incredible husband who somehow...no matter what...can always make me laugh. I have amazing parents who have stood by us through everything and have offered us so much support. I have friends who have embraced me. I am surrounded daily by so much love and it's just impossible to not be happy. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Sure I have moments...daily...that I am sad that my boy is not here....but I also have moments...all day long...that I am happy. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">I believe God gave us a gift...not only did he give us 4 days but he also gave us a lifetime of gratitude. We embrace the hugs, the smiles, the kisses from our daughter more then we used to. We smile when the sun is shining... and we take time to rest when the skies are crying. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">We live a little more passionately these days and well that...that makes me happy.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Here's a little glimpse of some of the moments over the last few months that have put a smile on my face :)</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_CGQbVbKzuH-LmWQTAS3Bhc4LiJt0ytasF4_sCi7dlj7kuR4xfpfVzOODrtMI9oibXsNMcsAYM2xRNFuZEAIGNIgH1O45bWfze6AcdvArvDF7CpRtWfku-mcdgm3TcpHAxiHsXW7fq-Y/s1600/webf_MG_2098_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_CGQbVbKzuH-LmWQTAS3Bhc4LiJt0ytasF4_sCi7dlj7kuR4xfpfVzOODrtMI9oibXsNMcsAYM2xRNFuZEAIGNIgH1O45bWfze6AcdvArvDF7CpRtWfku-mcdgm3TcpHAxiHsXW7fq-Y/s400/webf_MG_2098_edited-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii2NnPKgJHbD69QbkDB6c-G6jnQKe5KAbvAUj_MA9m9bpso1fQPGGk_LsOHTMlsgudresuQyfQyxlFrQG31lJr0siiNWMPQyF8cYzijgP_1CYhtx8N9Fx2GuDXi4JVK69dVrvrin12grA/s1600/webf_MG_2650_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii2NnPKgJHbD69QbkDB6c-G6jnQKe5KAbvAUj_MA9m9bpso1fQPGGk_LsOHTMlsgudresuQyfQyxlFrQG31lJr0siiNWMPQyF8cYzijgP_1CYhtx8N9Fx2GuDXi4JVK69dVrvrin12grA/s400/webf_MG_2650_edited-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglrZDiHanGdUNUtYybRW8CTrE_5xJNRb_3z1bZgrx-BG8qo1IiATC3sCjtGEfsZDok3xc3OmdNGjnbRoeLDb0-3Np6yLwcVEEeBkfw25y1B6-RN6KJ3wPoUlWRIDLLjsZUqP9fm3KL_vU/s1600/webf_MG_2114_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglrZDiHanGdUNUtYybRW8CTrE_5xJNRb_3z1bZgrx-BG8qo1IiATC3sCjtGEfsZDok3xc3OmdNGjnbRoeLDb0-3Np6yLwcVEEeBkfw25y1B6-RN6KJ3wPoUlWRIDLLjsZUqP9fm3KL_vU/s400/webf_MG_2114_edited-1.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirOessqy2sUyQkgm9yD-QdNVAX6FpqTa6F7luisQYbUcWSBfnOABbAM2DxSF03wjrwOLefMp2kKHQjWy_0Zx3K_kLTl6rHuceCTU0SH34YE9z7Iy2Y6CQjglbdDrqrC3tS8aqg8YTr-Ls/s1600/webf_MG_2146_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirOessqy2sUyQkgm9yD-QdNVAX6FpqTa6F7luisQYbUcWSBfnOABbAM2DxSF03wjrwOLefMp2kKHQjWy_0Zx3K_kLTl6rHuceCTU0SH34YE9z7Iy2Y6CQjglbdDrqrC3tS8aqg8YTr-Ls/s400/webf_MG_2146_edited-1.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRvRb1WaqddHNIo4fwSHrA8x7p3NfB6SFx5bHBgAR4MRbfNoghIe3FTOR6HNzEHaecuODSqIaIpTZGxFbuSfODUh8S2FJCYXNSYv2fvSmPqqafvN_MJUzTiUfjq6Bl2Yk4qtQeyvJ_N10/s1600/webf_MG_2192_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRvRb1WaqddHNIo4fwSHrA8x7p3NfB6SFx5bHBgAR4MRbfNoghIe3FTOR6HNzEHaecuODSqIaIpTZGxFbuSfODUh8S2FJCYXNSYv2fvSmPqqafvN_MJUzTiUfjq6Bl2Yk4qtQeyvJ_N10/s400/webf_MG_2192_edited-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9E2mRgZITMprRN-HzdyL_zFnI73apKUbUs91snFGL-ihRLMJaMKCN4IVA0KsM_ELizJjtXU6lZb2ev1MtxUqooGEw2PuB6wg7WUlxPDTv7l98JvaWW3fPrPQREwnu08I72rAulsCIeUg/s1600/webf_MG_2582_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9E2mRgZITMprRN-HzdyL_zFnI73apKUbUs91snFGL-ihRLMJaMKCN4IVA0KsM_ELizJjtXU6lZb2ev1MtxUqooGEw2PuB6wg7WUlxPDTv7l98JvaWW3fPrPQREwnu08I72rAulsCIeUg/s400/webf_MG_2582_edited-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL6o_Sj3eeYPBXPNp21j230s4Qpo-7hJwUHteoxfRnuOm1Kb6OgW5lqSNRcnJN5lY56_KQrAFzt8Hj4aIffvg0GKbBp1mN4aDrzYe4WgsRqcjxC3oaP4l8hDBTO6yBYmkqhQBkjPR8nwk/s1600/webf_MG_2587_edited-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL6o_Sj3eeYPBXPNp21j230s4Qpo-7hJwUHteoxfRnuOm1Kb6OgW5lqSNRcnJN5lY56_KQrAFzt8Hj4aIffvg0GKbBp1mN4aDrzYe4WgsRqcjxC3oaP4l8hDBTO6yBYmkqhQBkjPR8nwk/s400/webf_MG_2587_edited-2.jpg" width="250" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoJbsp7oXAvOarNNX-cy9gUptiTeSV1e9nFwScbhvb8TAgJ1dFUJKsl8su-bZ-6QNVZri9s7nPdu1cvMY5hSq4TGruqtThq_5VeNNOtotNTx9gWb1jc1pp5EFpzB21o0VOBbmmnFpHmcU/s1600/webf_MG_2631_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoJbsp7oXAvOarNNX-cy9gUptiTeSV1e9nFwScbhvb8TAgJ1dFUJKsl8su-bZ-6QNVZri9s7nPdu1cvMY5hSq4TGruqtThq_5VeNNOtotNTx9gWb1jc1pp5EFpzB21o0VOBbmmnFpHmcU/s400/webf_MG_2631_edited-1.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYSWli1wdWqppIl3BrkDJ387VuSeO6E7eUusSoU4dJH0haXf909YKBW02YwkyiB2-NB5vJpQKuCH-fwauZ9AibphR3bm3BfhHzidD6IsOWieRtD0WTfpNK4SzUNg5s24rozZtX4o5RjQQ/s1600/web_MG_1879.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYSWli1wdWqppIl3BrkDJ387VuSeO6E7eUusSoU4dJH0haXf909YKBW02YwkyiB2-NB5vJpQKuCH-fwauZ9AibphR3bm3BfhHzidD6IsOWieRtD0WTfpNK4SzUNg5s24rozZtX4o5RjQQ/s400/web_MG_1879.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Zh_sijnAdie6EEDAJcbwdJ-CvwhB4Ihj4sm0b-gUp0KXCuyuNieez6_qfLG_Wjcx6kva47aN94to7hiHZQFOUyqRiSGAdtwphg10YOHsbn24IKVkSgQOUatd2PToRDmL7LKlwQGeDyU/s1600/webf_MG_1889.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Zh_sijnAdie6EEDAJcbwdJ-CvwhB4Ihj4sm0b-gUp0KXCuyuNieez6_qfLG_Wjcx6kva47aN94to7hiHZQFOUyqRiSGAdtwphg10YOHsbn24IKVkSgQOUatd2PToRDmL7LKlwQGeDyU/s400/webf_MG_1889.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaaxe1LrZZjfq4H5peDR4BFKmwLBe2xD1H4t6PmEvFxhEgwzc7wfQlDl56ieYQHZdNznfmp5Wq8UyguF4pLsG1FE0cml9UG8Y-rUCBi0zidwnELakdgMBxBDUu1hfdd1Yx5hpQtKBVYLk/s1600/web_MG_3584.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaaxe1LrZZjfq4H5peDR4BFKmwLBe2xD1H4t6PmEvFxhEgwzc7wfQlDl56ieYQHZdNznfmp5Wq8UyguF4pLsG1FE0cml9UG8Y-rUCBi0zidwnELakdgMBxBDUu1hfdd1Yx5hpQtKBVYLk/s400/web_MG_3584.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-74165436731978071432012-03-05T14:45:00.000-05:002012-03-05T14:45:31.214-05:00{Answers}Long story short....we do not have any.<br />
<br />
You see, over the last 6 months we have been searching. Vigorously doing research, consulting with doctor after doctor after doctor....searching for an answer as to what was going on with our son.<br />
<br />
There was never an answer. And there still is not an answer.<br />
<br />
The doctors believe it is possible that it is genetic. That my husband and I may be carries of some rare disorder. They also believe that it is possible that it is not. But they also believe that they can't piece it all together and that there is no way to actually test my husband and me and that even if they did it is possible that this disorder, if it is what Reid had, just randomly happened.<br />
<br />
They have no way to give us answers.<br />
<br />
They have no way to calm our fears that our daughter might have to experience something like this.<br />
<br />
They have no way to help us decide if we should have more children or not.<br />
<br />
They have no way to give us peace.<br />
<br />
I wish that I could say that I fully understand that God has a plan for our family...but I don't.<br />
<br />
I ask Him often...why us? What makes us so unique...so important that we have to experience life without our son. I ask Him often why he allowed me to do it all "right" yet still end up with a sick child. I ask Him why a lot.<br />
<br />
I think we will always kind of stay in this state of limbo...unsure of how to travel this world now. I do know that I will continue to look to God for guidance. He obviously had the faith in our family to take this journey so I feel it is important for me to share my gratitude for Him.<br />
<br />
I know that we will never have our answers. But I know that God will lead us, as long as we ask him to, towards the peace that we are so desperately searching for.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrg9tVCsIfnXcIHRhQUWin3akDbH2mTT7cCVbuV6bkO1hGmwonbvLHIktQI32o3ajBLMahLXNvFAsXuGXD7jprFMXKzqbisuKxwQ1T7hN-2aa81-zPC9fSfSb-cZqb2AAO9PLp-v7ICdk/s1600/web_MG_3584.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrg9tVCsIfnXcIHRhQUWin3akDbH2mTT7cCVbuV6bkO1hGmwonbvLHIktQI32o3ajBLMahLXNvFAsXuGXD7jprFMXKzqbisuKxwQ1T7hN-2aa81-zPC9fSfSb-cZqb2AAO9PLp-v7ICdk/s640/web_MG_3584.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">PS It's the perfect moments like this that give me faith. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Photo: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/MichelleCPhoto/">Michelle C. Photo</a></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-80625311907009608942012-02-28T11:40:00.000-05:002012-02-28T11:40:08.508-05:00{Garden}Spring is in the air and I've been dreaming of a beautiful oasis<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLHH-vBsJd3F5Xx7UFJS4cZFs4nAjwgzIhJaGjdLWGLGmuueLRpbIMh7Rs8trQaDcUqQeQjI-pN6QOE-kwxKE5DSuKaxh7-R7yI69nQFpzXb9MClsjkEFtW44rFqCGkmf7XU0s_VvY3QQ/s1600/1029954331_2491f735be_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLHH-vBsJd3F5Xx7UFJS4cZFs4nAjwgzIhJaGjdLWGLGmuueLRpbIMh7Rs8trQaDcUqQeQjI-pN6QOE-kwxKE5DSuKaxh7-R7yI69nQFpzXb9MClsjkEFtW44rFqCGkmf7XU0s_VvY3QQ/s400/1029954331_2491f735be_m.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Like a nice sitting area with a beautiful trellis creating privacy</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg29KwsUhmnLbk-u6s5o7EKMLJBjiINF8fZwwXf5xsFh_LiO9-YIvfHg4ZfgjqzWvanvWsTH-0i0uiRxrmGKEyLVh7_B8hzjeEjlB0kjnpp7jMtpG2spOyL_MFNpLKPtkt6J1WFH0YZA2A/s1600/406_247_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg29KwsUhmnLbk-u6s5o7EKMLJBjiINF8fZwwXf5xsFh_LiO9-YIvfHg4ZfgjqzWvanvWsTH-0i0uiRxrmGKEyLVh7_B8hzjeEjlB0kjnpp7jMtpG2spOyL_MFNpLKPtkt6J1WFH0YZA2A/s400/406_247_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Or this beautiful little garden....I've been thinking about growing this outside Reid's window...It starts out small but I think it would be worth it in the end :) (It's a preplanned butterfly and hummingbird garden.)</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxXUiSAviT691E8GZCnoVroVhdzH9PNIBcJjeCczgHE9ld54hZIXRyvCgpK25sbgecH0Rk9yZuTSNgVcgqh0dd3TAJBP3TnD58UJhLGlQ-Igi8R-BKaUn572L4Sh6prVSK4vB90K1ZMek/s1600/73957618850522636_iHL9uI1v_f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxXUiSAviT691E8GZCnoVroVhdzH9PNIBcJjeCczgHE9ld54hZIXRyvCgpK25sbgecH0Rk9yZuTSNgVcgqh0dd3TAJBP3TnD58UJhLGlQ-Igi8R-BKaUn572L4Sh6prVSK4vB90K1ZMek/s400/73957618850522636_iHL9uI1v_f.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And this....LOVE</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihd7zmZhv3yqtzDBG9xA-rEGggA1TbeczI_v69Agfpi8hPeyWglbF1u61NWBGegTt4hiwGn3wqgYp3FefaQu0afC0HfvnV_wXn-TmnIV0j3w4vxDCJAg0ne2N5j0sJqaulbo3vJ7jegTI/s1600/azaleas-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihd7zmZhv3yqtzDBG9xA-rEGggA1TbeczI_v69Agfpi8hPeyWglbF1u61NWBGegTt4hiwGn3wqgYp3FefaQu0afC0HfvnV_wXn-TmnIV0j3w4vxDCJAg0ne2N5j0sJqaulbo3vJ7jegTI/s400/azaleas-5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And the azalea's...I really don't think it is possible to have to have too many azaleas in your yard.</div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSfvfAsLYhCTCP_GlF-RIaERw5_j8sjpzvrZpwkS-j22Ku2ixzp-Tp4VZKTBszFqy9xKa1sGgTmk5eKR4uanEAUi1WT3gx2Tf5Wh3Qd6-xHSlKFuXaehfRsVkgPMZSKZ8jf4P3eeOcI-s/s1600/p_100046760.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSfvfAsLYhCTCP_GlF-RIaERw5_j8sjpzvrZpwkS-j22Ku2ixzp-Tp4VZKTBszFqy9xKa1sGgTmk5eKR4uanEAUi1WT3gx2Tf5Wh3Qd6-xHSlKFuXaehfRsVkgPMZSKZ8jf4P3eeOcI-s/s400/p_100046760.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Ahhhh...I'm swooning...If anyone has tips on how to create this...I'm all ears!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5GD31oA0JMJ3PeUPo3SSGe47D4mc8TT47oqP6qfykLivjNrmNKTpQokWvMw2tyyPtxvggeDKqOLA-RvZAvnweAjA1OMJNGUkuXgm65IUIjErHetc_8CGj02hYgbyL69kdHL3tCvUSUKY/s1600/T89-2A.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5GD31oA0JMJ3PeUPo3SSGe47D4mc8TT47oqP6qfykLivjNrmNKTpQokWvMw2tyyPtxvggeDKqOLA-RvZAvnweAjA1OMJNGUkuXgm65IUIjErHetc_8CGj02hYgbyL69kdHL3tCvUSUKY/s400/T89-2A.jpeg" width="331" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">But I started with this :) You see...I don't exact have a green thumb....Fingers crossed it works out :)</div><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px !important; border-color: initial !important; border-left-width: 0px !important; border-right-width: 0px !important; border-style: initial !important; border-top-width: 0px !important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<i>I found all images via Pinterest. Sources unknown. </i>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-77630754144129222172012-02-15T13:46:00.001-05:002012-02-15T13:52:04.915-05:00{A letter to Reid}<div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I've been debating whether or not to share this here but for me part of healing is sharing. I think everyone finds a certain way to grieve and I have found comfort knowing that my words have helped others. I cannot thank each person enough who has taken the time to leave a comment, send me an email or who has just simply taken the time to read. I really appreciate it. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">This is a letter that I wrote to Reid for the support group that my husband and I have been attending. Honestly, I was terrified to write it and I was even more terrified to share it with my group. But after I felt a sense of calmness within....a sense of peace. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9m_EB9WS2Ou1Q1Cc4MP67411c019FIXlz8GzufgFts_zucNMX3ynK0YgpZlyuqdLZOBNy7p5HiKo4CDI7HrBXcMXUkM1ukEQCBa9FBHvXxyAoSAFXuT16APBg0dRIwicyBq8F_L46Swc/s1600/fIMG_1688.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9m_EB9WS2Ou1Q1Cc4MP67411c019FIXlz8GzufgFts_zucNMX3ynK0YgpZlyuqdLZOBNy7p5HiKo4CDI7HrBXcMXUkM1ukEQCBa9FBHvXxyAoSAFXuT16APBg0dRIwicyBq8F_L46Swc/s400/fIMG_1688.jpg" width="400" /></a></div></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">This is one of my favorite photos. One I will cherish forever. (www.michellecphoto.com) </span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Dear Reid,</span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">My sweet boy.</span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">You know life is funny. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew you were my boy and I knew you were special. I don’t know how to explain it I just knew. And I was so excited. I would have my little boy! Your dad and I struggled with deciding on a name for you. It took us almost 5 whole months but looking back I wouldn’t have it any other way. You are our Reid Andrew...our warrior. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It has been a little over 7 weeks since we first saw your face. So much anxiety and so many emotions lead us to that day. It was the most perfect, most nightmarish day. We were so excited. Our boy....our precious, beautiful baby boy was here. You were seriously the epitome of beautiful. Such full, soft, dark brown hair. Perfectly smooth, ivory skin. The most adorable nose in the whole world and you had the most beautifully, crooked little feet that I have ever seen. It was also the day that we realized all of the unknowns from the last few months were turning into our worst nightmare. You were very, very sick my boy. I longed to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you. When I first saw you I held your hand and you open your eyes. You looked right at me.Right into my heart. We became a part of each other forever at that very moment. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We watched you fight for 4 days. Four glorious days that we were able to share with you. Days that will forever be a part of us. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I think my heart hurts most when your big sister talks about you. She loves you so much Reid and I see so much of you in her. You look just like her and I feel blessed that each time I see her face I see you... Averee loves to pray to you and she tells almost everyone that “Baby Reid is in heaven...with Jesus.” She is proud of you. She is proud to be your big sister and I am proud to be your mother. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">You have changed me Reid Andrew and I hope that because of you I will be a better person. Your tiny little life touched so many. You left your perfectly, crooked little footprint on so many hearts. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I often wonder what you would sound like, what your smile would be like, what your favorite color would be. I wonder how my heart would melt the first time you said “I love you Mommy”. I wonder if you would have been stubborn just like your big sister....always fighting for your independence. I wonder if you know how much I love you. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The only question that does not find me is how proud I am to call you my son. I am proud of you and I will always be. I will always be thankful for you. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I struggle with my “new” world. Knowing that I will never get to hold you or kiss you again here on earth. Knowing that I will never be ignorantly blissful again. And I struggle with all those who are still “blissful.” I struggle with all the unanswered questions. With the ache in my heart and when I see the ache in your daddy and your sisters heart. And I struggling knowing that no matter what I do I can’t have you in my arms.</span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I truly thought I understood what pure, unconditional love felt like before you came into my life but I don’t think anyone can really understand until they have to let go. The day your Daddy and I had to say goodbye...The day we had to give you to the angels was the day I learned the most important lesson of my life. I learned how to be grateful. It is something I thought I had mastered a long time ago but that day I realized that there are so many people who never got to met you, who don’t know the pride of being your mommy, who never get to know the joy of having their own child and who never get to see the amazing power of God. He really blessed us with you. He chose your Daddy and I to be your parents. He chose us to learn about this unconditional love. The kind of love that knows no boundaries. That can move oceans. Can touch hearts. He chose us. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I hear your song often and your sister requests for me to sing her “baby brother’s” song most nights before bed. I miss dancing with you each time it plays. I miss keeping you safe. Feeling your sweet kicks with each sway. Each time I hear your song...it brings me back to you. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">One of the gifts we received after you left us was a little wooden heart, with a hole craved out that holds a picture of you. I think that is the best way to put it....You are the hole that is in my heart. A hole that I am grateful for because without it I never would have had you. A hole that I will keep with me forever. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">My sweet boy. You will always be a part of our family. A part of our hearts and a part of our soul. You will always be our first boy...our first son. We will carry you with us for the rest of our lives.</span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I love you Reid Andrew. Forever and for always. Thank you for being my son. </span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Love,</span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Indie Flower'; font-size: 15px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Mommy</span></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-32471831548413705642012-02-10T20:59:00.001-05:002012-02-13T09:35:56.716-05:00{Valentine}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I thought I'd share with you some Valentine Card's I've been working on! Let me know what you think!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6IJxlnsVDHEbIsK48TvXkJfdzuqRDtWxd4gUULSDKy7ugEOCOfrnV0i6qIvvJvfbgP0kWkCwM3-U4CnRL0PQ1VBq7ZlbRnqJ-sTGHV6Zx1V7sOGXp1Tkd8XjkNRWHlO4A7AL7Z0X9hMI/s1600/avereevalentine-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6IJxlnsVDHEbIsK48TvXkJfdzuqRDtWxd4gUULSDKy7ugEOCOfrnV0i6qIvvJvfbgP0kWkCwM3-U4CnRL0PQ1VBq7ZlbRnqJ-sTGHV6Zx1V7sOGXp1Tkd8XjkNRWHlO4A7AL7Z0X9hMI/s400/avereevalentine-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbUk8TWPFBDmKp0zuFqFgf3Z3fcUUk36P2tR-eA2CtqMTEgo7KgtFs6_7VCWHc6piRg-xpF_Pubp1W7tOgX0qP0tXqYvUCqOBu2shXy7SEtM6Vt5yoVPdxet5hv-RDBjYyDzX-dK5pW8Y/s1600/conneralentine_edited-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbUk8TWPFBDmKp0zuFqFgf3Z3fcUUk36P2tR-eA2CtqMTEgo7KgtFs6_7VCWHc6piRg-xpF_Pubp1W7tOgX0qP0tXqYvUCqOBu2shXy7SEtM6Vt5yoVPdxet5hv-RDBjYyDzX-dK5pW8Y/s400/conneralentine_edited-4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwyWwKjyAAiunqG82CSCBD0FbO8lSuTn-X5gpKNg3b6D5k84JK9MPLmu6JRTxUkyVZ_xQaYkmuh_-uaMHddTAKoIf9hD8BojKfWJNoiR5rSelCRBiEnW27hAUXh3o-zWLuK6DcWMSPIEY/s1600/connervalentine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwyWwKjyAAiunqG82CSCBD0FbO8lSuTn-X5gpKNg3b6D5k84JK9MPLmu6JRTxUkyVZ_xQaYkmuh_-uaMHddTAKoIf9hD8BojKfWJNoiR5rSelCRBiEnW27hAUXh3o-zWLuK6DcWMSPIEY/s400/connervalentine.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUTTR1KxQcyffiRUMrbqn-WjkMUQSo15GQI5ASmU4e6zLBTcMJlRk3WLgKO_JapGCd0SvQqM6cZ9TRAtzdtzuqUes7iveuhUvWvBG1FKRtwVAzy0vDe3PzXYCZnnk_a1u9x-CqHJqe0a0/s1600/lilyvalentineUntitled-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUTTR1KxQcyffiRUMrbqn-WjkMUQSo15GQI5ASmU4e6zLBTcMJlRk3WLgKO_JapGCd0SvQqM6cZ9TRAtzdtzuqUes7iveuhUvWvBG1FKRtwVAzy0vDe3PzXYCZnnk_a1u9x-CqHJqe0a0/s400/lilyvalentineUntitled-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz-ZG61Xu6NencghjjcVGFsq_8ENcd9rEBHApAAeKstbXrenttlHqILW8T5KKtLmzBWeIx_fD-h7zzpKfCDCyfsahW4uF18ggw2Gt-35RC64BAkaDailQUXEb0SQGaWfZozmFqEgzmLnI/s1600/Untitled-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz-ZG61Xu6NencghjjcVGFsq_8ENcd9rEBHApAAeKstbXrenttlHqILW8T5KKtLmzBWeIx_fD-h7zzpKfCDCyfsahW4uF18ggw2Gt-35RC64BAkaDailQUXEb0SQGaWfZozmFqEgzmLnI/s400/Untitled-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-77001872305117556702012-02-09T10:25:00.000-05:002012-02-09T10:25:45.876-05:00{Grandparents}I think a lot of times when someone loses a child all the focus goes to the parents of that baby.<br />
<br />
How awful it must be for the mommy and daddy to live without their baby (and it is). How their hearts must hurt...All...the...time.<br />
<br />
I think it is important to remember though... the baby has Grandparents.<br />
<br />
Imagine this...You child tells you they are going to have a baby. You're so excited. You start preparing because you are going to be a Grandma or Grandpa. You are going to get to spoil your grand baby...snuggle them when mommy and daddy need a break, play with them, feed them lots and lots of cookies. You are so excited because you remember the joy of having a baby and you are so happy because your child gets to experience that joy.<br />
<br />
You tell everyone you know that you are going to be a grandparent. You help your baby prepare for theirs. You tell them stories about when they were little. You remember how wonderful it was to hold your baby.<br />
<br />
But then things change. Things go wrong. You child tells you that their baby is sick. You think..."How can my baby's baby be sick? This is not what I planned for." And then it happens. Your grand baby is gone.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I think it must be so much harder to be the grandparent of a baby in heaven. Not only did they lose their grand baby....their future...their joy. They lost the innocence of their child. They have to watch as their baby cries...as their baby's heart breaks.<br />
<br />
You try so hard to fix it because that is what you have always done. You have always been able to fix things for your baby. But you quickly realize you can't. You can't take this pain away from your baby. You can't take this pain away from your heart.<br />
<br />
So sometimes I think it is harder to be the grandparent. And I sometimes I think they would agree.<br />
<br />
<br />
I should also add that my children are very blessed. They have the very best grandparents in the world and Ian and I have the very best parents. They have stood by our side since September (OK for really our whole lives!). They have cried with us...they have comforted us. And I wish that we could comfort them. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for being the very, very best mommy and daddy and for showing us how to do the same.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-1871324400395665772012-02-08T16:58:00.001-05:002012-02-08T19:23:27.091-05:00{Uninvited}<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grief.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">It can follow many things. Really...it can follow any type of loss. The loss of a job, the loss of a marriage or in my case the lose of a child.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I did not ask for grief. I did not invite it into my heart. I didn't have a choice. But when grief finds you...you must make a decision. My decision? To embrace it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">It is very tempting to want to 'hate' grief,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">to see it as the enemy, the unwelcome guest.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Instead, try opening yourself to grief...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">ask it what it has to teach you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Ask it what it is training you to do, to be.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Ask this uninvited teacher into your life</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">and notice how things being to shift.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Remember that grief never ask you to let go of love.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">~Ashley Davis Prend</span><br />
<span style="color: navy;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Through my grief I have decided to love deeper. How? I am learning to embrace even the smallest of things. I am learning to hold my baby girl a little closer, I am learning to tell her her brother's story. I am learning to make sure my husband knows that I appreciate him. That I love him more now then I ever thought possible. I am learning that even though I have been hurt by others(unintentionally of course) as I grieve that they are trying and they are just as lost as I am. I am learning that there is no guidebook for life...there is no guidebook for life without your baby. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I did not ask grief to join my life and although I wish I could say that I have two children here on earth the fact is I don't. But I will do anything I can to make my baby boy and my little lady proud of me. I will do anything I can to make sure they know they are loved...know that they are important. I will do whatever it takes to be more passionate about life. To stop worrying about the what ifs and whys. I will learn to accept that there is a great plan for me and my family. That God is great. That he will guide us down this path...that he will never sway from us. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I will never understand why Ian and I were chosen to be Reid's parents...the mommy and daddy of a baby in heaven. But I will always be grateful. I will open myself to this grief because by opening myself up I will bring myself closer to my sweet boy. I will bring myself closer to God. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-16268594713743354372012-02-03T11:20:00.000-05:002012-02-03T11:20:38.776-05:00{Holland}Five weeks ago my husband and I started going to a support group called HEAL. For anyone who has had a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant pass away I highly recommended a support group. It has been so wonderful talking to others...sharing our stories...and realizing we are not alone in our journey. We have met some wonderful friends and cannot imagine where we would be right now without our group.<br />
<br />
Each week the leader of our group shares a story, a poem or some sort of writing. This weeks I thought was very suiting for the journey that my family and I have started and I thought I would share it. It was from the Rocky Mountain News, October 29, 1990. It is a very unique way of explaining what this journey is like. I hope you enjoy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Welcome to Holland</span></b></i><br />
<br />
I am often asked to describe the experience, to help others understand it, to imagine how it would feel. Well, it's like this...<br />
<br />
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks, and you make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, Michelangelo's David, the gondolas in Venice. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.<br />
<br />
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags, and off you go. Several hours later, the plane is preparing to land. And as the plane is landing, the pilot makes an announcement: "Welcome to Holland."<br />
<br />
"Holland?!?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up to go to Italy! All of my life I've dreamed of going to Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy!"<br />
<br />
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've taken you to Holland, and there you must stay. The important thing, however, is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.<br />
<br />
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.<br />
<br />
It's really just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a while, you'll catch your breath. And then you'll look around you and notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandt's.<br />
<br />
But everyone you know is busy going to and from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful place it is. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. Italy is what I had planned."<br />
<br />
The pain of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.<br />
<br />
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special and very lovely things about Holland.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Such a beautiful way to look at our "new" life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-42082169594848719492012-02-01T16:38:00.000-05:002012-02-01T16:38:58.962-05:00{Big Sis} Sibling love.<br />
<br />
Honestly, I was so excited to see how Averee and Reid would grow together. To see them be there for one another...help each other out. It has weighed so heavy on my heart that Averee and Reid will not get to experience this sibling relationship...one I so wanted for both of them.<br />
<br />
But do you want to know what? Even though Reid is not here on earth their relationship seems to be thriving. Averee loves to talk to her baby brother and yesterday she did just that. She looked right up to the sky (as she always does when she talks to him) and just started talking.<br />
<br />
There is so much wrong with these photos (i.e. the up the nose shot!) but at the same time so much that is right. This is a moment that I will be able to show Averee one day...show her how much she has always loved her brother :).<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxUe9pElsemGB9DbW3XJwDqrEp8-CZx9ApWV8Jrik7n-lx_3sRy3c5o1Qryl_95TemiB_RnoejACFtohaLjdwj702N0St7_RFpz0COCbScZCjf9Y4S_DVlpuukgf8gyZnRvfJmdGdOzRg/s1600/webf_MG_2650_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxUe9pElsemGB9DbW3XJwDqrEp8-CZx9ApWV8Jrik7n-lx_3sRy3c5o1Qryl_95TemiB_RnoejACFtohaLjdwj702N0St7_RFpz0COCbScZCjf9Y4S_DVlpuukgf8gyZnRvfJmdGdOzRg/s400/webf_MG_2650_edited-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie0cLya1Ecmk3emouzHvQX9xlVy1uGUs-30tC0PXFZNFzMFPlawV8R9XbxMPtKM57h5hslhf6jMgVW0aDN8Gc023b0yj4513fEV4_xI0MZY0w19TVB9PBMIIQRYpdwL_PUgmT5jPH-lfQ/s1600/webf_MG_2652_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie0cLya1Ecmk3emouzHvQX9xlVy1uGUs-30tC0PXFZNFzMFPlawV8R9XbxMPtKM57h5hslhf6jMgVW0aDN8Gc023b0yj4513fEV4_xI0MZY0w19TVB9PBMIIQRYpdwL_PUgmT5jPH-lfQ/s400/webf_MG_2652_edited-1.jpg" width="250" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpEK82MDJbKzanBkQ9z4nWFCk6XUVK49uPcjkDVK00PEPp17zrCR0gxbdCQJ_zU01AbJ5JwjsCd_VR8Wl_Av6fjwT9gueTzfQzLN_yKwXYFx5EOf90nSjBc9PzGxDTNOo530OXw8VMams/s1600/webf_MG_2651_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpEK82MDJbKzanBkQ9z4nWFCk6XUVK49uPcjkDVK00PEPp17zrCR0gxbdCQJ_zU01AbJ5JwjsCd_VR8Wl_Av6fjwT9gueTzfQzLN_yKwXYFx5EOf90nSjBc9PzGxDTNOo530OXw8VMams/s400/webf_MG_2651_edited-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKJmZOhpvYjc6OSxkQr5D9WhfKjJb7A4kCoG15ckWo_4iVZdZ37NYxxR_H6wzrHM0fpC_gCNMXMcCGzTOjIraYfby32iCZZg1vHAn8-BPOXBsk-tnHrOlwbcRhh1hfyLPVVe3xsbgSX1M/s1600/webf_MG_2653_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKJmZOhpvYjc6OSxkQr5D9WhfKjJb7A4kCoG15ckWo_4iVZdZ37NYxxR_H6wzrHM0fpC_gCNMXMcCGzTOjIraYfby32iCZZg1vHAn8-BPOXBsk-tnHrOlwbcRhh1hfyLPVVe3xsbgSX1M/s400/webf_MG_2653_edited-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV_Ptlz58U1PUPZPc4Sr9x_cS_lDYZWO0lgSzJIVZ86k3XaZLpXoQBqY8wYxzI8N_7KpmOWMD4Qb8L9bPOlC9IOILj6M3ZIR7bQLX8dR4tYY-qYBD-p5BYOt1UpngqzOTUJbIfZDZ8BNU/s1600/webf_MG_2656_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV_Ptlz58U1PUPZPc4Sr9x_cS_lDYZWO0lgSzJIVZ86k3XaZLpXoQBqY8wYxzI8N_7KpmOWMD4Qb8L9bPOlC9IOILj6M3ZIR7bQLX8dR4tYY-qYBD-p5BYOt1UpngqzOTUJbIfZDZ8BNU/s400/webf_MG_2656_edited-1.jpg" width="247" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIobinWWqRNMQcCHwlCU13p6VM6cN7oDh4V473uc-emHlGlEmQBCPj_3YlOC1yd-u2D_bpU6JlmRxyKXpaB9EI2T30hL_4SQnJsjvLTFfp-ELp0gae5SDNOYoNgnrG9ayy7cUAmniEbc/s1600/web_MG_2659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIobinWWqRNMQcCHwlCU13p6VM6cN7oDh4V473uc-emHlGlEmQBCPj_3YlOC1yd-u2D_bpU6JlmRxyKXpaB9EI2T30hL_4SQnJsjvLTFfp-ELp0gae5SDNOYoNgnrG9ayy7cUAmniEbc/s400/web_MG_2659.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Play time!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-29383306043580275022012-01-31T22:02:00.000-05:002012-01-31T22:02:58.962-05:00{Angels}I've always considered myself religious...been a true believer in God and the life he gives us.<br />
<br />
Lately, though, with everything that has happened over the last 5 months I have been searching for answers...searching for hope.<br />
<br />
So I prayed. I prayed and still pray a lot.<br />
<br />
Last week I received an email from a friend. She was letting me know of a lady who speaks to angels. To be honest I'm not sure what my feelings are on this but this post is not to debate (so please no insensitive comments). However, after checking out her site there was a part that just stuck out to me...it said that you have to pay attention to sometimes the most trivial things in life... because those "trivial" things can be an angel speaking to you.<br />
<br />
Now I have always, always believed in angels. I believe they watch over us...I believe they help us to be better people.<br />
<br />
I also believe that with the loss of Reid I was losing myself. So I prayed for the angels to please send me a sign that my boy...my beautiful, perfectly angelic boy was safe and was OK. Here's where the story begins...<br />
<br />
A dear friend recommend a book for me to read called I Will Carry You. I immediately went to Amazon and placed it in my shopping cart but I didn't order it...this was on a Wednesday. On Sunday I received the above email that I was talking about. That night (I still had not ordered the book although I so desperately wanted to read it) I prayed to angels.<br />
<br />
The next day as I was going about my daily business...I went out to get the mail. Now I'm sure you can tell where this story is going now but don't worry there is more.<br />
<br />
There...lying in my mailbox was a package. We have received so, so many beautiful cards, letters and gifts but as the weeks go on the mail slows down so I was a little surprised to see this package and assumed that my husband must have ordered something.<br />
<br />
When I got inside I saw that the package was addressed to me....hmmm. I opened it and wouldn't you know there was a copy of I Will Carry You waiting inside. This gift came from one of my amazing "sisters". She sent me the most beautiful note but most of all she sent me a beautiful gift....knowing that my son was OK :).<br />
<br />
And if that wasn't enough there is more. That weekend (Saturday to be exact) my sister in law and I hit the antique fair. She was out shopping for things for her new home and I was out shopping for well..birds. Weird. I know. But I have had a strange "obsession" with birds for the last few weeks. Would you believe it if I told you that through all 5000 acres (OK I tend to exaggerate) of the fair I only managed to find one bird. One. Uno. Un.<br />
<br />
I left. A little disappointed as the one bird I managed to find was well...Ugly. But I bought him anyways.<br />
<br />
Well, last Tuesday the husband and I went out on a date and my parents watch the little lady. When we arrived my mom had a gift for me. She told me it wasn't anything fancy but wanted to see if I could figure out why she bought it for me. Now I should preface this by saying...I did not tell my mom of my new "obsession" with birds. I opened the bag to find a perfect, little blue bird. She bought it for me because Reid's song is "Somewhere over the Rainbow". But I know. I know in my heart that an angel led her to buy this. To answer my prayers.<br />
<br />
So I believe in angels. Do you?<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-78417541538525842252012-01-17T09:16:00.000-05:002012-01-17T09:16:52.997-05:00{Coffee}I just made an entire pot of coffee.<br />
<br />
My husband is out work.<br />
<br />
There is no other adult in the household.<br />
<br />
There have been 5 sleepless nights in a row and I just might consume that entire pot to myself.<br />
<br />
Fingers crossed the little lady sleeps tonight.<br />
<br />
How do you survive on no sleep?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-22907391328007432042012-01-16T16:54:00.000-05:002012-01-16T16:54:28.276-05:00{ :) }<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjWbW6XC2BPxo5i5k1nXTH7mFUnlMaUY3HJeVctOQUttDbKfGXXoY9PqvAiK5kKQiL34QwXEH8HGHd2u3j9E4KGALgu20P420lzncrwad_IY6swIy4QIdPAKTIwnlFBm39XVOCUfC6tWs/s1600/webf_MG_1889.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjWbW6XC2BPxo5i5k1nXTH7mFUnlMaUY3HJeVctOQUttDbKfGXXoY9PqvAiK5kKQiL34QwXEH8HGHd2u3j9E4KGALgu20P420lzncrwad_IY6swIy4QIdPAKTIwnlFBm39XVOCUfC6tWs/s400/webf_MG_1889.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
I was thinking today of all the funny things my little lady says....She really has away of always...and I mean ALWAYS putting a smile on my face...<br />
<br />
Last month we came home after spending some time with my family...we weren't home for but 5 minutes when all of a sudden...the lights went out.<br />
<br />
It was pure darkness in our home.<br />
<br />
Just as quickly as the lights went out...the girl shouted out..."Ohhhh No! The house broke!"<br />
<br />
Still makes me smile. :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-83593595836325946012012-01-11T10:27:00.000-05:002012-01-11T10:27:08.966-05:00{Four Weeks}<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Four weeks.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Today...my son. My beautiful, angel son should be four weeks. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">And technically...I should still be pregnant.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I know....shoulda, coulda, woulda. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">It is weird how my life has changed so much in four weeks. Sometimes I feel like I am dreaming and that any moment I will wake up with my baby safely in my arms. Sometimes I am so obsessed with "what went wrong" that I cannot focus on anything else. Sometimes I am sad as I think of what life could be like with Reid here. Sometimes I worry that my usually, happy, carefree self will never return. Most of all I miss my ignorant bliss. You know...that state of mind where bad things can never happen to you. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8L_kakQuGrg7fEIYVevod5coLfGIBHN3HSoQSzwOvm-QdpdQcLQM6arT6ClIGwzJ4VncGS-saKQrg_OSMNoILkB-GJETcjXPtQNMhh8AyXD4UBbPTp-cVPbtEB3LX5NtnbKK0v8ZQy4I/s1600/7430_10100229154544271_2029089_60993559_5298585_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8L_kakQuGrg7fEIYVevod5coLfGIBHN3HSoQSzwOvm-QdpdQcLQM6arT6ClIGwzJ4VncGS-saKQrg_OSMNoILkB-GJETcjXPtQNMhh8AyXD4UBbPTp-cVPbtEB3LX5NtnbKK0v8ZQy4I/s400/7430_10100229154544271_2029089_60993559_5298585_n.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i>(This is what ignorant bliss looks like. Our little lady when she was 4 weeks old. Her brother looked just like her.)</i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I think one of the hardest things I struggle with is that since September 2, 2011...that day when my whole world changed...we have never found answers to the "what, how, why." We still don't know what caused things to go so terribly wrong. We still don't know why Reid's wee little body failed him. And we might never know. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">A lot of people have so kindly told me how brave I am for sharing my story and I appreciate it so much but really I'm not brave. You see I'm not one for talking about my feelings...I never really have and probably never will be. This is my way of expressing myself and my way of hoping that my story can help someone else who might have to endure this awful heart wrenching pain. This is my way.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I have realized through all this that that proverb "It takes a whole village to raise a child" is actually more true of my life now except for it goes more like "It takes a whole world to pick you up when your whole world has crashed down."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">We are blessed...we have an amazing family who has stood by our side and I know will continue. We have amazing friends. We even received a couple of beautiful, wonderful gifts this week from a couple of my sorority sisters. "Sisters" that I haven't really spoken to very much over the last few years but sisters who took their time to send us a little something...sisters who I feel so much closer too just for showing that they care. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">We have also been blessed with others who have shared their stories with us. Friends of ours who we had no idea were part of this "club" until now. Friends who when they tell us they know how we feel we cry because we know unfortunately they do. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">So today...my ignorantly blissful friends (and I mean that with love...I wish I still was)...please remember how lucky you are. Tell someone you love that you love them...kiss your child one extra time. Just be. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Today...and everyday I remember my Reid. My boy. My son.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-8417421863476645712012-01-09T14:39:00.000-05:002012-01-09T14:39:14.722-05:00{Our Boy}: Angel DayI've been dreading this post....like A LOT.<br />
<br />
However, our story...our sweet baby boys story is just not complete without it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I'm sure there are a lot of grammatical errors...as I'm sure there have been many in my past posts. But this is written from my heart. From my heart to yours, to my daughters, to my sons, to my husband. It is written to anyone who may be suffering. It is written with love. </div><div><br />
</div><br />
December 18, 2011<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkIN9r9W29D-HTX8zV3WZ20oFpBUI5ykOTLVpo1sN4E1lUZ21MBZ5ZXjUL-eduLHYLGpFc5ScW459_DnDW3bprKMVbClBdcH40DcFyQ1ZkpBp7nHaBWfIitrzRiNtstKdCGcxq0iX6ukY/s1600/f_MG_1648.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkIN9r9W29D-HTX8zV3WZ20oFpBUI5ykOTLVpo1sN4E1lUZ21MBZ5ZXjUL-eduLHYLGpFc5ScW459_DnDW3bprKMVbClBdcH40DcFyQ1ZkpBp7nHaBWfIitrzRiNtstKdCGcxq0iX6ukY/s400/f_MG_1648.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
So we went back to our room and started our routine...pumping, teeth brushing etc etc. And then went to sleep. At 2:30 am the phone rang. It was Reid's nurse.<br />
<br />
She said that things weren't going so well. He oxygen levels were dropping and they were unable to stabilize him on the ventilator so they had to switch him to the oscillator.<br />
<br />
How could this be??? Just a few hours before he was doing...well. We jumped up and headed up to his room.<br />
<br />
He still looked like our little boy. The oscillator made his breathing a little "different" but he was still there. He still was moving around...he still was opening his eyes...and was still maintaining his oxygen saturation...he was still our perfect boy.<br />
<br />
After a little while we were beyond tired so we decided to go back and get a little sleep so that we could be rested for the next day.<br />
<br />
Just after 7 am Sunday morning Reid's doctor came into our room. Now for a doctor to come all the way down to see us after a 24 hour shift usually is not a good sign. He told us he was very concerned and that Reid was just not doing well.<br />
<br />
We got up immediately...got ready and ran upstairs....OK in all fairness my sweet husband pushed me to the elevator. We were both silent. I couldn't see or hear anything around me.<br />
<br />
Arriving at his room was awful. Our beautiful, beautiful baby boy was lying there but...he wasn't really there. He was gray. He was not moving...at all. He was not opening his eyes. He oxygen levels were low. His blood pressure was dropping. He looked like all life had left his little body. We cried. I think our minds knew how bad things were but our hearts were just not ready to accept this fate.<br />
<br />
Shortly after we arrived Reid's neonatologist for the day came in to talk to us. He decided that the oscillator was definitely not the solution and that they were going to attempt to place him back on the ventilator to see how he would do.<br />
<br />
Immediately he looked better. His oxygen levels went up, his color returned. He even started to move around some. Was this our miracle? Was it happening? Were all of our prayers being answered? I was so sure he was going to do it. Reid...my little boy...was going to prove everyone wrong.<br />
<br />
Over the last few days our family had made plans to come and visit Reid. Our parents were there, our daughter, my grandmother, my aunts and my uncle. They all arrived. First, we brought Averee in to see her brother...we spent some time as a family of four. Just us and our babies. It was beautiful. The NICU's policy, however, is that there are only two people in the room at a time so Ian and I went out to the lobby and Ian, my dear sweet husband, started taking everyone in...one at a time. Averee went home to take a nap. During this time the EEG tech had arrived to start Reid's first EEG. After a few family visits she had to move the machine around and had all sorts of wires everywhere so we decided it was best for all of us to grab so lunch and then head back up to see our boy. My guardian angel even found us and offered the "rooming in" room to us so that we could be just a few doors down from Reid.<br />
<br />
Things were really turning around for us. We could do this!<br />
<br />
After lunch I saw a friend in the cafeteria...a perk...if you will...at being hospitalized at your place of employment. The rest of our family headed upstairs. When Ian and I got off the elevator we headed to the doors to go see our baby boy. Walking down the hall towards us we could see our mothers. They were both crying and telling us that we needed to go in NOW.<br />
<br />
My heart broke. Before I wheeled through those NICU doors for the last time I knew what we were about to walk in on was going to change us.<br />
<br />
Reid's room was full. Full of nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists and even his EEG tech.<br />
<br />
The first and only words I heard from his doctor were...."We're going to need a hail mary." Now I may not work in an ICU but I know in medicine that if you need a hail mary....things are at the end. His neo took Ian and I out of the room as the RT started to switch Reid back to the oscillator to see if they could have any better results. His nurses were trying to start more IV lines because they needed to give him more medication. He was receiving blood, TPN, Lipids, multiple pressures, insulin, fluids and to be honest I don't even know what else.<br />
<br />
His blood pressure was dropping. His oxygen was dropping. His life here on earth was leaving us.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I tried to compose myself but the tears were flowing. My heart was finally coming to terms with what my mind already knew...He was gone. Our boy was no longer going to be with us.<br />
<br />
We still asked the questions though...."Can he come back from this?" The short answer? No.<br />
<br />
The next few minutes went by so quickly yet seemed to last forever. We touched our boy as we watched his saturation and blood pressure drop lower....and lower...and lower.<br />
<br />
It was time. Time for us, as Reid's parents...his mommy and daddy...to be parents. We had to make the decision that I wish no other parents would ever have to make again. We had to make the decision to stop. <br />
<br />
To stop all of the poking, all the medications, all of the machines.<br />
<br />
I'm positive the nurses were being helped by angels that day. They were so gentle with our boy. They treated him like their own. The treated him like the little boy he was. They cried.<br />
<br />
As they handed my boy to me...I laid him on my chest. I felt his wee little heart beat next to mine. I kissed his beautiful, soft brown hair. I felt as he took his last breath. I cried.<br />
<br />
We all cried. Our family came in to say their goodbyes. My brother in laws arrived and brought our little lady back to say goodbye to her brother.<br />
<br />
We spent the next few hours holding our son. Telling him...telling his soul...how much we loved him and how much we wish we could have protected him. We prayed.<br />
<br />
We prayed that God would lead Reid to a beautify,l everlasting life. We prayed that his cousin, his grandparents and his great grandparents would be there to greet him. We prayed that Reid knew how much we love him. We prayed for peace.<br />
<br />
We still pray. And will continue to pray...for the rest of our lives.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-37279997800485244292012-01-05T10:32:00.000-05:002012-01-05T10:32:14.894-05:00{Our Boy}: The Big S....The Big S? Yep, that's right the Big S.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3-q1r8WfV82rRuWs6jzFjEXXoB8B884jd7-_Krt7HZ8wpC-gX_k4ohsNa4dPlNf2iRCl0a4YTRGuxk18b8ddMfW7MLnpwXc4J0ZlkunbSNbPYvaRN42lyaQTYGj0hDRhHKfLG_RnKqJk/s1600/f_MG_1737.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3-q1r8WfV82rRuWs6jzFjEXXoB8B884jd7-_Krt7HZ8wpC-gX_k4ohsNa4dPlNf2iRCl0a4YTRGuxk18b8ddMfW7MLnpwXc4J0ZlkunbSNbPYvaRN42lyaQTYGj0hDRhHKfLG_RnKqJk/s400/f_MG_1737.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
December 17: Surgery Day.<br />
<br />
To be honest those 4 days...those 4 very long/short days all kind of blend together. From the IV's, the blood transfusions, all the medications, the overwhelming amount of doctors, having abdominal surgery, pumping, bring Averee to see her brother, attempting to sleep and attempting to process what was going on...it's really hard to kind of keep it all in order.<br />
<br />
Surgery Day though was the worst. We (my husband and I) would get up around 3 am each morning (after going to sleep around 1)...I'd pump, we'd brush our teeth ( :) ) and then we would head to the NICU. On Saturday morning/night (whichever way you look at it) Reid had an incredible nurse...to be honest all of his nurses' were incredible but she was extra special. When we arrived she gave us an update on his PICC line placement, all the meds, how he was doing etc etc. She then let us "help" with his care. This was the first and only time that I was able to change his wee little diaper. Now I'm sure many of you are saying...big deal...who wants to change a diaper? Well I am here to tell you that I would do anything right now to be changing his diaper. Anything. She let us take his temperature, get him a little washed up and get him prepared for surgery. We were told earlier in the day that his surgery wasn't going to be until afternoon time on Saturday. So after spending some time with our boy we went back to our room to sleep for an hour or so.<br />
<br />
We woke up early that morning...around 6:30...started our routine over again so that we could get back to the NICU to spend time with Reid Andrew. Most of our time with him we just sat there...touching him...talking to him. After a few hours the PHU called (I choose to spend my time in the high risk unit post delivery because I already knew the nurses from my hospitalization in November)...I needed to go back to my room because my doctor was there and my nurse needed to do an assessment etc etc. We all thought we would have time to make it back to the NICU before they took Reid for surgery. About 20 minutes later someone called (maybe my parents...I'm really not sure) to let us know they were taking Reid down.<br />
<br />
I panicked.<br />
<br />
I needed to see my boy before he went in. I needed to see his face...his beautiful toes.<br />
<br />
I hopped into my wheelchair (Hello...I just had abdominal surgery...I was not yet up for running around the hospital)...and we went as fast as we could down to RIO. When we finally made it down there...no one knew where Reid was!?! What?? Finally, we saw his doctor who brought us to the nurse who was expecting Reid...and just a few short minutes later Reid came through the door. We were able to spend a few minutes with him before they wheeled him back. Honestly, I can't even begin to describe the feeling of my not yet 3 day old son being wheeled into the OR. It was awful...I was a mess. His amazing surgeon told us it was ok for us to wait in my room and that he would come and see us as soon as it was completed.<br />
<br />
I imagine to most people who have a loved one in surgery that it feels like an eternity. It was about 1.5 hours before Reid's doctor made it to our room. He said the surgery went well but he was concerned because his bladder lacked "tone". He wasn't sure if there was something actually wrong with the muscle or if it had just been "stretched" for so long that it would just take time for it to relax and function correctly. He said that he indeed had a posterior valve and that now it was just going to be a wait and see situation. We would leave the catheter in for a few days and then go from there.<br />
<br />
We must have called Reid's nurse 50 times to see if he had returned to his room yet. When they were finally on their way back to his room we rushed to the NICU so that we could be with him.<br />
<br />
After a few more hours it was time for me to be discharged. I cried. A lot. I didn't want to leave my baby. I felt helpless. The wonderful nurses of the PHU though told me that they would hold my room for me so that we could "room in" for the night. We decided that we would go home. Take a proper shower. Have dinner with our girl. And then come back for the night. My parents stayed at the hospital with Reid until we returned.<br />
<br />
We also had to work on getting my prescription filled. Although I did "well" with the pain...I think I aggravated things a bit over the last few days just by simply making all the trips to the NICU, not sleeping etc etc. This did not turned out to be so easy though and long story short...we never were able to get it filled. Bummer.<br />
<br />
When we got back to the hospital we went to see Reid immediately. He looked...good...well as good as a baby could look after having surgery and being hooked up to a million and one machines. We spent some time with him and then headed to our room to start our "routine".<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
It was Reid's last night on this earth.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-38332306030638237182011-12-29T11:02:00.002-05:002011-12-29T11:06:07.329-05:00{Our boy}December 15 - 16, 2011<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbyRFR8KDWn0RncLP8Cm1P1y_DJIcMuwtifafD2OilB4lD-qZLgotj_z3oHZbPpQ-A8y9tgSfd97DAG3OrTkcP0n75ourodOdWodC1ES-enVQR4a8DAaRaiJU7c_bTzoi2lV9eIlRlUU/s1600/f_MG_1637.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbyRFR8KDWn0RncLP8Cm1P1y_DJIcMuwtifafD2OilB4lD-qZLgotj_z3oHZbPpQ-A8y9tgSfd97DAG3OrTkcP0n75ourodOdWodC1ES-enVQR4a8DAaRaiJU7c_bTzoi2lV9eIlRlUU/s400/f_MG_1637.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
The next two days of Reid Andrew's life were spent with a whirlwind of emotions. Our boy...our precious, beautiful baby boy was here! And seriously...he was the epitome of beautiful. Full, soft, dark brown hair....just like his sister. Perfectly smooth, ivory skin. The most adorable little nose in the whole world and even his crooked little feet (Reid had bilateral clubfeet which is what started us on this journey back in September) were perfect. Ten toes, ten fingers....he was tiny but he was perfect.<br />
<br />
However, to go with our joy was the overwhelming worry and concern. Our worst nightmare was happening. We were allowed to touch him but he was hooked up to so many machines and his temperature was not stable so holding him was completely out of the question. We weren't even able to kiss him. So we spent the days just laying our hands on his beautiful head or chest...letting him know we were there with him.<br />
<br />
One big concern (besides the obvious of his lungs not working) was that his bladder was full....like really,h really full. We found this out via ultrasound at the beginning of November when I was first admitted to the hospital. We knew he was producing urine and releasing it because a) I had polyhydramnios and b) we saw him release it on ultrasound however we also knew that a babies bladder should not be as large as his was. He urinated immediately after he was born but it wasn't until early Friday morning that he would urinate again a gigantic 150 ml (trust me that's a lot for a baby). We were meeting with every specialist under the sun one of which was Reid's urologist. He felt that Reid must have a posterior valve (which is not supposed to be there). After multiple attempts by nurses and by his urologist to pass a catheter it was determined that he needed to have surgery. That if this continued he would not only be in pain from the filling of his bladder but it would also continue to cause a slew of other problems. So surgery was scheduled for the next day.<br />
<br />
Surgery??? On my baby??? How could this be. I am 27 years old and up until December 14 of this year I had never even had surgery. We knew this was what was best for him, though. Each doctor we met with explained the need and offered us the reassurance that this was what was best for our boy.<br />
<br />
We took vigil as our boy grew sicker and sicker. We listened as each doctor tried to come up with what was causing all this. We watched as they attempted to place an IV line again and again and again. He even had to receive his first haircut and let me just tell you...nurses are not very good at haircuts. He ended up with two shaved spots on the sides of his head, 9 attempts at placing an IV and eventually a little burn to the side of his head after one of the IV's infiltrated. Finally, Friday night they were able to place a PICC line into his right arm but that was only the beginning.<br />
<br />
One of the only things I could think about through all of this was how much I longed to just hold him...I wanted him in my arms...I wanted to take away all of his pain. All of his suffering. Watching your baby lie in his little home and feeling helpless as his mommy is one of the most painful experiences in the world. It just all seemed surreal...Like I was literally just dreaming. The only thing that brought me back to reality was the pain. The pain in my abdomen and the pain in my heart. It was what let me know that this wasn't a dream but it was my life. Our life.<br />
<br />
Our life. Our perfect, little, nightmarish life.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-64173921303256423652011-12-26T10:03:00.000-05:002011-12-26T10:03:40.469-05:00{Our boy}: Our families lifeSo many have been curious about our families story and before I forget all the details I thought I would share. It will be long as the last few months have been filled with more then I ever thought imaginable but I would like a way to look back and one day share with our daughter her baby brothers story. So I will start here...<br />
<br />
December 14, 2011.<br />
<br />
I was 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I started out the day the way most of my days have started out over the past few months. Preparing for a doctors appointment. This particular appointment was to be my 4th in a matter of six days and was with my perinatologist. I think both Ian and I knew that today would be the day. The day that we would see our sweet son's face. With all the anxiety over the last few months of the health of our boy we were so excited yet so scared.<br />
<br />
As we arrived at the hospital we began to explain our whole history, one in which we have become accustomed to explaining, to the nurses in the labor and delivery department as well as giving my general OB an "update." We knew we would be headed for the OR as my perinatologist felt a natural delivery would be to stressful for our boys wee body. We had a nurse, who must not have really understood the delicacy of Reid's life, try to convince me that a natural delivery (OK not exactly natural but induced) would be what was best for our boy but we knew otherwise. As I walked into the OR I have never felt more helpless in my life. I knew that there was not much more I could do at this point except for to pray. So that is what I did.<br />
<br />
After being situated on the table they brought my ever loving husband in to be by my side. The delivery itself was rather intense. You see they were unable at first to get Reid out. He had apparently found a nice comfy home and was well....stuck. Ian and I were really unsure of what to think as my body was pulled and tugged and pushed on as hard as possible to deliver our baby boy. One of the nurses used my husbands phone to snap a couple of photos of Reid before he was passed through the "window" into the NICU. I knew in my mind with the lack of crying and the photos that I saw that it was not as we hoped but my heart continued to pray...to pray for our boy that God would give us but a moment to be with him.<br />
<br />
As we waited in the recovery room for Reid's neonatoligist and the minutes slowly ticked by I realized that all the unknowns of the last few months were turning into our worst nightmare. Finally, after a little over an hour Reid's doctor and one of the most amazing ladies in the whole world (I will refer to her as my guardian angel) came to my bedside to speak to us. What they told us can be summed up into "not looking good." They were both very concerned for Reid and were unsure if he would survive at this point. I longed to just hold my boy. To see his face, his tiny hands, his precious feet.<br />
<br />
Finally, I was considered recovered enough and they wheeled me through the NICU. The first time I saw Reid was one of the most proudest yet most frightened moments in my life. My baby, all 3 pounds and 13 ounces, was living with the support of machines. He was not breathing on his own at all. That first meeting with my boy was one I will hold with me forever. He decided it was a perfect time to open his eyes and look right at me. I feel blessed because my family was able to snap a photo of this precious moment for me. I know God was watching down knowing that in the coming weeks and months and probably years I will need that moment to remember how grateful I am...and will always be for Reid's little life.<br />
<br />
My husband and I along with our parents spent the rest of the night waiting for the sensation in my legs to return so that I could be wheeled to the NICU to spend time with our baby...our angel. We spent the rest of the night watching over our boy while trying to rest some since both of our bodies had been through more emotional stress in just a few short hours than I'm certain either of us has experienced in our entire lives.<br />
<br />
We didn't know it at that time but we would only have a few short days with our baby. I blindly assumed and hoped that we would just be like lots of NICU mommies and daddies....trying to balance our home life with the life of our new baby. What was to come over the next few days has definitely changed our lives and we can only hope that because of it we will be better people...better parents for our girl while here on earth...better people to all of those who love us and better people for anyone who we might meet along our journey here on earth.<br />
<br />
Celebrating Christmas without our precious boy was hard...knowing he will never have a first Christmas here on earth with us was even harder. But knowing that he spent his first Christmas with Jesus celebrating is comforting.<br />
<br />
From our family to yours we hope you have had a very blessed and happy holiday season.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px !important; border-color: initial !important; border-left-width: 0px !important; border-right-width: 0px !important; border-style: initial !important; border-top-width: 0px !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-67403783815141247212011-12-09T10:53:00.001-05:002011-12-09T13:12:28.535-05:00{Praying}*This is a personal post. No tutorials here. Just a desperate plea for prayers :) And I wanted to add too that we are hopefully all is ok but there are many many unknowns. *<br />
<br />
<br />
Life.<br />
<br />
Life has a funny way of throwing you a curve ball just when you think you have it all figured out.<br />
<br />
My life.<br />
<br />
My life changed in so many ways on September 2, 2011.<br />
<br />
September 2, 2011 was the day my pregnancy went from nothing to worry about to high risk. It was only the beginning.<br />
<br />
Since that day I have learned many things and especially over the last month I have learned that life...my life...is and always has been in the hands of God. Sure I make decisions every single day but he is the one guiding me. I have learned that the "control" that I thought I had is meaningless. I have learned that no matter what I do I cannot go back to before September 2 and make things perfect again.<br />
<br />
One day I will share with you all what has been going on but quite frankly I am just not ready. And I am mostly not ready because well we have no answers. We aren't really sure how our sweet baby boy is. And our doctors really aren't sure either. What we are sure of is that God has lead us down a path...down a path for us to learn...for us to be humbled by. We are sure that we are loved...that our daughter and our sweet boy have so many who love them so very much. We are sure that without our loved ones we would not be where we are right now.<br />
<br />
I write this now in hopes that if you have any extra time in your day (and I know how busy this time of year is) but I ask that you pray for our boy. Pray that he is strong and healthy and that he lives a long, exciting life. That our children can grow up playing with one another...enjoy each others company...and enjoy that special bond that only siblings understand. I know it is a big request but as we near the end it has become more real and I strongly believe in the power of prayer. I believe that God listens to each and everyone of us and I believe that he will do what is best.<br />
<br />
For everyone who has already been praying...for all the phone calls, texts, emails, meals and love that we have received over this time...I am forever in debt to you. Although I hope that no one else has to experience this I hope that we are able to repay everyone some how.<br />
<br />
I pray.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-27884817481102144892011-10-14T13:49:00.000-04:002011-10-14T13:49:39.732-04:00{Hair Detangler}: Make your own<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTppM9cNMmOIgPcwEzhNGzE94RMsWY_H6I-zOc8e7ISPiLskVD6vgZQlioiiLA-Ph-70dhZTlf7V3ZaXZssofXrjdzmrCPoGJR-SrAyCqU6y6HZ-IkyKeqopu51mKe1jwwo5oCPodI4wY/s1600/jfa0523l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTppM9cNMmOIgPcwEzhNGzE94RMsWY_H6I-zOc8e7ISPiLskVD6vgZQlioiiLA-Ph-70dhZTlf7V3ZaXZssofXrjdzmrCPoGJR-SrAyCqU6y6HZ-IkyKeqopu51mKe1jwwo5oCPodI4wY/s400/jfa0523l.jpg" width="321" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So the girl has gorgeous hair....beautiful, long, perfect layers and oh so soft. But after a bath or after sleeping her hair typically looks like the image above. Combine that with a squirmy toddler and it is a recipe for disaster </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have thought about buying detangler at the store many times but I usually forget and then remember come bath time that I was supposed to make that oh so important purchase.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So I decided to make my own and do you want to know the best part about it? It was FREE! Yeah!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I had a left over spray bottle from a hair heat spray that I use for myself that just had a drop left in the bottom. I washed it out added a tablespoon of conditioner that I had in the bathroom and then filled it with water. The only work required was shaking the bottle and I think we can all agree that that doesn't exactly qualify as work :)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Let me just say it is amazing! The girl now sits still while I brush her hair and is no longer screaming "AWWWW" when the brush gets stuck on a knot.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I love it so much for her I might even try spraying it on my hair!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Happy Detangling :)</div><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6884708645029772729.post-1521270992061194502011-10-12T09:31:00.000-04:002011-10-12T09:31:52.412-04:00{Pumpkin}So I haven't posted in months! I know...ridiculous. And this post isn't going to be anything fabulous...sorry.<br />
<br />
But I had to share this delicious, super easy recipe that is just perfect for fall.<br />
<br />
Pumpkin Pancakes...YUMMY. The girl loves them and I have to say...I do too!<br />
<br />
Hope you enjoy<br />
<br />
Ingredients:<br />
<br />
2 cups dry boxed pancake mix (I used Krusteaz whole wheat)<br />
1.5 cups water<br />
3/4 cup canned pumpkin<br />
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon<br />
powdered sugar<br />
<br />
Spray non-stick spray onto pan and preheat on medium/high heat.<br />
<br />
Mix pancake mix and water until well blended. Add pumpkin and cinnamon and continue to mix. I also use a little bit of pumpkin pie spice (just because I have it) and just sprinkled a little in. If the mix is too thick you can add mater water until the right consistency.<br />
<br />
Cook just like cooking a regular pancake.<br />
<br />
When done, sprinkle with powdered sugar.<br />
<br />
Delicious! Such a fun way to enjoy fall. Now all we need is some fall weather :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/348/F83A086D511C5D4BB079B7C238BCB4C7.png" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px !important; border-color: initial !important; border-left-width: 0px !important; border-right-width: 0px !important; border-style: initial !important; border-top-width: 0px !important;" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Recipe <a href="http://mideastfood.about.com/od/quickandsimplemeals/r/Quick-And-Easy-Pumpkin-Pancakes.htm">Quick and Easy Pumpkin Pancakes</a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05647787391713237679noreply@blogger.com0