{Uninvited}

Grief.


It can follow many things. Really...it can follow any type of loss. The loss of a job, the loss of a marriage or in my case the lose of a child.


I did not ask for grief. I did not invite it into my heart. I didn't have a choice. But when grief finds you...you must make a decision. My decision? To embrace it. 


It is very tempting to want to 'hate' grief,
to see it as the enemy, the unwelcome guest.
Instead, try opening yourself to grief...
ask it what it has to teach you.
Ask it what it is training you to do, to be.
Ask this uninvited teacher into your life
and notice how things being to shift.
Remember that grief never ask you to let go of love.
~Ashley Davis Prend


Through my grief I have decided to love deeper. How? I am learning to embrace even the smallest of things. I am learning to hold my baby girl a little closer, I am learning to tell her her brother's story. I am learning to make sure my husband knows that I appreciate him. That I love him more now then I ever thought possible. I am learning that even though I have been hurt by others(unintentionally of course) as I grieve that they are trying and they are just as lost as I am. I am learning that there is no guidebook for life...there is no guidebook for life without your baby. 


I did not ask grief to join my life and although I wish I could say that I have two children here on earth the fact is I don't. But I will do anything I can to make my baby boy and my little lady proud of me. I will do anything I can to make sure they know they are loved...know that they are important. I will do whatever it takes to be more passionate about life. To stop worrying about the what ifs and whys. I will learn to accept that there is a great plan for me and my family. That God is great. That he will guide us down this path...that he will never sway from us. 


I will never understand why Ian and I were chosen to be Reid's parents...the mommy and daddy of a baby in heaven. But I will always be grateful. I will open myself to this grief because by opening myself up I will bring myself closer to my sweet boy. I will bring myself closer to God.