Friday, February 3, 2012


Five weeks ago my husband and I started going to a support group called HEAL. For anyone who has had a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant pass away I highly recommended a support group. It has  been so wonderful talking to others...sharing our stories...and realizing we are not alone in our journey. We have met some wonderful friends and cannot imagine where we would be right now without our group.

Each week the leader of our group shares a story, a poem or some sort of writing. This weeks I thought was very suiting for the journey that my family and I have started and I thought I would share it. It was from the Rocky Mountain News, October 29, 1990. It is a very unique way of explaining what this journey is like. I hope you enjoy.

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience, to help others understand it, to imagine how it would feel. Well, it's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks, and you make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, Michelangelo's David, the gondolas in Venice. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags, and off you go. Several hours later, the plane is preparing to land. And as the plane is landing, the pilot makes an announcement: "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up to go to Italy! All of my life I've dreamed of going to Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy!"

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've taken you to Holland, and there you must stay. The important thing, however, is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.

It's really just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a while, you'll catch your breath. And then you'll look around you and notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandt's.

But everyone you know is busy going to and from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful place it is. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. Italy is what I had planned."

The pain of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special and very lovely things about Holland.

Such a beautiful way to look at our "new" life.

1 comment:

  1. Michelle,
    I think of your family everyday all day. I check your blog everyday and read all your entries. I love them all! Of course the past few have made me cry but at the same time very inspirational. I am so sorry for your pain. I feel it as I read because i know how it feels but in many different ways. It makes me think of the day Justin was born ( I am not sure if i have ever shared the story ) but the pain has not stopped since that day. I always put on a happy face but behind it is a lot of pain. I know I am blabbing but I want you to know Your family is in my heart and prayers. I am ALWAYS thinking of you. Love Nicole W


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