Thursday, January 5, 2012

{Our Boy}: The Big S....

The Big S? Yep, that's right the Big S.

December 17: Surgery Day.

To be honest those 4 days...those 4 very long/short days all kind of blend together. From the IV's, the blood transfusions, all the medications, the overwhelming amount of doctors, having abdominal surgery, pumping, bring Averee to see her brother, attempting to sleep and attempting to process what was going's really hard to kind of keep it all in order.

Surgery Day though was the worst. We (my husband and I) would get up around 3 am each morning (after going to sleep around 1)...I'd pump, we'd brush our teeth ( :) ) and then we would head to the NICU. On Saturday morning/night (whichever way you look at it) Reid had an incredible be honest all of his nurses' were incredible but she was extra special. When we arrived she gave us an update on his PICC line placement, all the meds, how he was doing etc etc. She then let us "help" with his care. This was the first and only time that I was able to change his wee little diaper. Now I'm sure many of you are saying...big deal...who wants to change a diaper? Well I am here to tell you that I would do anything right now to be changing his diaper. Anything. She let us take his temperature, get him a little washed up and get him prepared for surgery. We were told earlier in the day that his surgery wasn't going to be until afternoon time on Saturday. So after spending some time with our boy we went back to our room to sleep for an hour or so.

We woke up early that morning...around 6:30...started our routine over again so that we could get back to the NICU to spend time with Reid Andrew. Most of our time with him we just sat there...touching him...talking to him. After a few hours the PHU called (I choose to spend my time in the high risk unit post delivery because I already knew the nurses from my hospitalization in November)...I needed to go back to my room because my doctor was there and my nurse needed to do an assessment etc etc. We all thought we would have time to make it back to the NICU before they took Reid for surgery. About 20 minutes later someone called (maybe my parents...I'm really not sure) to let us know they were taking Reid down.

I panicked.

I needed to see my boy before he went in. I needed to see his face...his beautiful toes.

I hopped into my wheelchair (Hello...I just had abdominal surgery...I was not yet up for running around the hospital)...and we went as fast as we could down to RIO. When we finally made it down one knew where Reid was!?! What?? Finally, we saw his doctor who brought us to the nurse who was expecting Reid...and just a few short minutes later Reid came through the door. We were able to spend a few minutes with him before they wheeled him back. Honestly, I can't even begin to describe the feeling of my not yet 3 day old son being wheeled into the OR. It was awful...I was a mess. His amazing surgeon told us it was ok for us to wait in my room and that he would come and see us as soon as it was completed.

I imagine to most people who have a loved one in surgery that it feels like an eternity. It was about 1.5 hours before Reid's doctor made it to our room. He said the surgery went well but he was concerned because his bladder lacked "tone". He wasn't sure if there was something actually wrong with the muscle or if it had just been "stretched" for so long that it would just take time for it to relax and function correctly. He said that he indeed had a posterior valve and that now it was just going to be a wait and see situation. We would leave the catheter in for a few days and then go from there.

We must have called Reid's nurse 50 times to see if he had returned to his room yet. When they were finally on their way back to his room we rushed to the NICU so that we could be with him.

After a few more hours it was time for me to be discharged. I cried. A lot. I didn't want to leave my baby. I felt helpless. The wonderful nurses of the PHU though told me that they would hold my room for me so that we could "room in" for the night. We decided that we would go home. Take a proper shower. Have dinner with our girl. And then come back for the night. My parents stayed at the hospital with Reid until we returned.

We also had to work on getting my prescription filled. Although I did "well" with the pain...I think I aggravated things a bit over the last few days just by simply making all the trips to the NICU, not sleeping etc etc. This did not turned out to be so easy though and long story short...we never were able to get it filled. Bummer.

When we got back to the hospital we went to see Reid immediately. He looked...good...well as good as a baby could look after having surgery and being hooked up to a million and one machines. We spent some time with him and then headed to our room to start our "routine".

It was Reid's last night on this earth.


  1. I cannot even imagine the stress your body, mind, heart, and soul were under that day. It would be enough to make a person collapse. I found myself feeling weak just reading this so to think about what you were feeling...well it's too much. Praying you will find even more strength.

  2. As I lay next to my 10-day-old son Corbin REED, I find myself sobbing and heart-broken with how close this hits to home and how terribly heart-broken you must be right now. Michelle, enough prayers I can never send your way to take away your pain, but I will continue them relentless to at least send you God's strength to try. I am so sorry, my friend.

  3. Michelle, I've been reading your posts religiously. Every time I read a post (sometimes several times) my eyes are filled with tears. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and strength it took to go through this and to write your beautiful words. You're an amazing mommy. I know you hear it a lot, but I'm thinking about you constantly and praying for you.

  4. Oh Michelle, my mom and I read your posts and our hearts hurt. I can't even imagine your feelings, but your words are so filled with love and they are such an honor to your sweet Reid. Sometimes it is so hard to understand reasons, but you and Ian were chosen to show your sweet boy all that love. He couldn't have had better parents, and I know he felt every ounce of pride, joy, love and strength from y'all. AOT

  5. We LOVE you so much !!!!! xoxo

  6. Michelle my heart goes out to you and your husband.As I write this I am in tears,My daughter sent this to me.She went through so much.Her son was born dead and brought back.We never thought he would.I feel the same feelings for I did then.I will pray for you.Reid new you were there.He felt your love and strengh.You are an amazing person to sit and put this into words.BE STRONG.You and your husband know his love,his precious body and he knew yours.PLEASE KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPL THINKING ABOUT YOU.PRAY IS STRONG.


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