Monday, December 26, 2011

{Our boy}: Our families life

So many have been curious about our families story and before I forget all the details I thought I would share. It will be long as the last few months have been filled with more then I ever thought imaginable but I would like a way to look back and one day share with our daughter her baby brothers story. So I will start here...

December 14, 2011.

I was 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I started out the day the way most of my days have started out over the past few months. Preparing for a doctors appointment. This particular appointment was to be my 4th in a matter of six days and was with my perinatologist. I think both Ian and I knew that today would be the day. The day that we would see our sweet son's face. With all the anxiety over the last few months of the health of our boy we were so excited yet so scared.

As we arrived at the hospital we began to explain our whole history, one in which we have become accustomed to explaining, to the nurses in the labor and delivery department as well as giving my general OB an "update." We knew we would be headed for the OR as my perinatologist felt a natural delivery would be to stressful for our boys wee body. We had a nurse, who must not have really understood the delicacy of Reid's life, try to convince me that a natural delivery (OK not exactly natural but induced) would be what was best for our boy but we knew otherwise. As I walked into the OR I have never felt more helpless in my life. I knew that there was not much more I could do at this point except for to pray. So that is what I did.

After being situated on the table they brought my ever loving husband in to be by my side. The delivery itself was rather intense. You see they were unable at first to get Reid out. He had apparently found a nice comfy home and was well....stuck. Ian and I were really unsure of what to think as my body was pulled and tugged and pushed on as hard as possible to deliver our baby boy. One of the nurses used my husbands phone to snap a couple of photos of Reid before he was passed through the "window" into the NICU. I knew in my mind with the lack of crying and the photos that I saw that it was not as we hoped but my heart continued to pray for our boy that God would give us but a moment to be with him.

As we waited in the recovery room for Reid's neonatoligist and the minutes slowly ticked by I realized that all the unknowns of the last few months were turning into our worst nightmare. Finally, after a little over an hour Reid's doctor and one of the most amazing ladies in the whole world (I will refer to her as my guardian angel) came to my bedside to speak to us. What they told us can be summed up into "not looking good." They were both very concerned for Reid and were unsure if he would survive at this point. I longed to just hold my boy. To see his face, his tiny hands, his precious feet.

Finally, I was considered recovered enough and they wheeled me through the NICU. The first time I saw Reid was one of the most proudest yet most frightened moments in my life. My baby, all 3 pounds and 13 ounces, was living with the support of machines. He was not breathing on his own at all. That first meeting with my boy was one I will hold with me forever. He decided it was a perfect time to open his eyes and look right at me. I feel blessed because my family was able to snap a photo of this precious moment for me. I know God was watching down knowing that in the coming weeks and months and probably years I will need that moment to remember how grateful I am...and will always be for Reid's little life.

My husband and I along with our parents spent the rest of the night waiting for the sensation in my legs to return so that I could be wheeled to the NICU to spend time with our baby...our angel. We spent the rest of the night watching over our boy while trying to rest some since both of our bodies had been through more emotional stress in just a few short hours than I'm certain either of us has experienced in our entire lives.

We didn't know it at that time but we would only have a few short days with our baby. I blindly assumed and hoped that we would just be like lots of NICU mommies and daddies....trying to balance our home life with the life of our new baby. What was to come over the next few days has definitely changed our lives and we can only hope that because of it we will be better people...better parents for our girl while here on earth...better people to all of those who love us and better people for anyone who we might meet along our journey here on earth.

Celebrating Christmas without our precious boy was hard...knowing he will never have a first Christmas here on earth with us was even harder. But knowing that he spent his first Christmas with Jesus celebrating is comforting.

From our family to yours we hope you have had a very blessed and happy holiday season.


  1. Absolutely beautiful Michelle. My tears continue to flow. We love you so much. Prayers continue for you all. We love you REID, all our love, Love, Aunt Mary xo and Sarah xo

  2. Michelle I just want you to know that I am praying for you and the entire family. Your story is beautiful and I so hate that you lost your precious baby boy. We do not always have the answers to life but we grow stronger with God's strength. May God comfort your broken heart and continue to touch your life and keep your beautiful spirit of life alive. You are a beautiful lady inside and out! God bless you and I pray that baby Reid will fill your heart with love until you reunite in Heaven! I love you, Whitney

  3. my prayers and thoughts are with you. You should be proud to share your strength in this situation - I am not sure I could be as strong as you are. God Bless you and your family.

    take care

  4. Your strength through this is something that I admire so very much. When I read your post, your story is sad but you inspire me to be better. I can't even imagine the pain and sorrow but I continue to pray for you and your family with every tear I shed.

  5. Oh Michelle, thank you for sharing. I have and will keep you and your family in our family's prayers. It's so hard to make sense of something like that but I guess something like this is just too big for us to understand here on Earth. Big Hugs.

  6. Hi Michelle~ My prayers are with you as I know how truly difficult this time in your life is. I pray for peace for you (and I) as we find our way through this. <3


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